the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize