Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
