and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
