I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
