allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
