yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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