This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize