I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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