i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
