it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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