Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
