ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
