OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
