Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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