dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
