roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
