theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
