she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
