upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
