yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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