the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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