Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she pinky promised me she was 18
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
