The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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