You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
