She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
