I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
