I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
