that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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