you guys were way drunker than both of me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
