Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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