drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize