my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
