The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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