So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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