haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
