just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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