I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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