After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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