I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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