We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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