Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
