dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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