he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
