I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
