have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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