Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize