haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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