: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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