The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He kissed a someone with a penis
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
