the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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