Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
