Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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