Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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