I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
