That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
