Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
