It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
