he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
