all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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