I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
