marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
