i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
