She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
