need another drink. this is the easiest way
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
