At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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